somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
