Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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