I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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