There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
