Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
