There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
