shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
