i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
