Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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