I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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