Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
