i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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