I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
zippers are such a cool invention
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
