Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
