Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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