I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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