Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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