We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
