Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
