so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
