My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He better not be in your backpack
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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