we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
