My balls are so social today.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
