In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Shame is for Republicans.
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