She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
