none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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