"it" just moved
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
