Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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