Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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