If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
