this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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