If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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