i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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