Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
