I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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