Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Congratulations! We have a period
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