Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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