It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
