Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
