i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
two words: eviction party
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
