I'm gonna have a badass scar
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
