Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
