Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
