i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
