When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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