you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize