just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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