get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
