filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Come share oat with me in your robe
i now understand why vodka
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
