Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
