What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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