I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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