i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
