Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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