so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
