I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
