You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We don't watch enough power rangers
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
