I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
