Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
