So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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