She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
