i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
