I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
