The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
