Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
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Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.