I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.