His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks