So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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