Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
