I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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